Being real, dealing with shame, overcoming failures and walking tall

As I type this I am in the thick of a situation that is teaching me a great deal about dealing with shame, overcoming failures and not allowing them to drown and overwhelm you.

I'll spare you the details of the situation but I will share with you some important lessons that I was reminded of and learned during this time:

1. Shame thrives in being hidden/ covered up, in you cowering/ hiding, in dark spaces. Allow yourself to be seen (by those you trust, of course) and deal with the shame head-on. In this space, Brene Brown is an absolutely empowering resource.

2. What other people think of you/ say about you is none of your business. This is something I embraced years into my adulthood and it's held me in good stead. When faced with people knowing about an issue that you would rather have kept hidden, there's really no value in agonizing over what people are saying behind your back. You can never control people's conversations about you and their thoughts regarding you so just talk to yourself to not spend too much time wondering/ stressing about that.

3. Change your focus. It's easy to feel like the whole world is coming to an end but honestly, there are always bigger and more important matters going on around you - even when you are thick in a crisis. I found that changing my focus to other matters helped me not think that my personal "crisis of shame" is what every conversation is about.

4. Accept grace (unmerited favour) and love. Sure, there will always be people who will judge and condemn you but there are also people who will show you love and provide you with a safe space to be naked and unashamed. If you do not have any people like that in your life, you can always pay for the services of a professional who's interest is not in showing you how horrible you are but in helping you deal with the situation you are facing. I am a Christian, so for me, this also meant accepting God's grace. Advice that I've always given people is to always maintain honest communication with God - there's nothing you can do that can shock Him!

5. Remember to breathe and maintain an attitude of gratitude. Whatever is going wrong in your life, I guarantee you that there are things you can be grateful for. Keep reminding yourself of whatever good there is in your life.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of the lessons I've learned but what was on my mind to write. Whatever situation you may be faced with... it may be the end of the world as you knew it but it's not the end of the world. Get up, dust yourself off and keep walking (whether or not you are limping or even if crawling is all you can muster) ... let us fail forward!

Sending you love.

Winded by an act of kindness...

After a long absence today I was inspired to write my first blog of 2018! A lot has happened since the last time I posted something but today I was so overwhelmed that I needed to open the floodgates and let the words flow through me.

Today is the 1st October 2018, a "normal" Monday by many standards except - two colleagues conspired to show me such kindness that I spent a good part of my lunch break in the powder room... crying, praising God and just soaking in the love.

Before I share what touched me so deeply, let me share some context: I am currently employed in a South African state-owned entity that has a flawed performance management system. I consider it flawed because your appraisal is based on your line manager and many managers have used this system to stick it to their subordinates.

This past financial year I was transferred to a division where the manager seemed to have it in for me... this was my experience and also confirmed by many colleagues who have asked me in confidence what I have done to the lady boss for her to not like me so much! Needless to say, I endured quite a lot "character-building" moments while working with her and these all culminated in the appalling assessment she gave me at the year-end review. I took it all on the chin because I knew that working with her was a part of God's plan for me to develop my character. The poor performance score she gave me meant that I would not be eligible for a performance bonus - for the first time since I joined the organisation in 2011.

The performance bonuses were paid out last Friday and while all around me my colleagues were planning how they would spend their bonus, I decided to exercise not making a big production of my circumstance; not taking things personally and rather rejoice with others without once letting them suspect that I did not receive the bonus payout.

All the above was setting the scene for what really inspired this blog post: two managers that I had also worked with during the year came to me with cash in their hands. They both had knowing looks... they told me that the money was their way of showing me that I'm not alone and that despite the poor performance score that they know I received from my line manager, they wanted me to know just how much they appreciated all my hard work.

Needless to say, I cried... I was so moved by their gesture of kindness. Their actions left me filled with so much love that words cannot describe.

Today's blog is a to encourage someone who may be feeling unappreciated. I need you to rest in the knowledge that God always sees your good works... when you work - whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

A man reaps what he sows... Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Also, may we do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers whenever the opportunity presents itself. 

Little by little...

I was reading the Word when I came across Deuteronomy 7:22-24 which reads, "And the LORD your God will drive out those nations before you little by little; you will be unable to destroy them at once, lest the beasts of the field become too numerous for you. But the LORD your God will deliver them over to you, and will inflict defeat upon them until they are destroyed. And He will deliver their kings into your hand, and you will destroy their name from under heaven; no one shall be able to stand against you until you have destroyed them."

I have been thinking a lot about my spiritual growth lately, especially about my challenges/ weaknesses. I sometimes feel despondent when I see myself against the mirror of God's word (James 1:22-25) and see all the "nations" that are inhabiting my "promised land"and I find myself wishing that I'd wake up and be perfect (mature) already! In reply to these feelings of despondency, the Lord impressed in my spirit that each believer's Christian walk is a marathon and not a sprint. We all need to concentrate on fighting the good fight of faith and finishing strong. I'm grateful knowing that with the Lord as my dwelling place (the vine), I (the branch) will bear fruit.

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"As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, as you have been taught, abounding in it with thanksgiving." - Colossians 2: 6-7

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