"When are you getting married?"

Since my late twenties the question I seem to hear more that any other has got to be, "When are you getting married?" ... when I draw a blank or sound non-committal in my response; that question is usually followed by, "Do you WANT to get married?". Oh boy!

For all those who don't know me from a bar of soap, let me start by giving you a bit of background (not too much - I've still to get over my phobia of 'oversharing' on this internet with a memory like an elephant!): I am a 31 year old black woman, living in South Africa. I am a Christian i.e. what I do/ don't do; feel guilty about doing; how I do what I do etc. is always influenced by my relationship with Jesus Christ. I was raised by my single mom, am her only child (and 1 of about 26 children sired by my late father - I tell you no lies #StoryForAnotherDay). I am the eldest grandchild from my mom's family; the first grandchild to go to varsity; live on her own (and behind my back, I know that I'm called "The Independent One"). Okay, I digress but that should give you some indication of what kind of "animal" you're dealing with here.

Now, back to that question. It's not that I don't want to get married and it's not that I don't sometimes miss having someone who will care that I fell and cried like a baby i.e. the small, seemingly unimportant daily happenings in my life - I do want all of that but... well, if it was so easy then I'd have that. Right? I've actually started responding to this question in this way (depending on who is asking):

• an older lady asking "the question", get's this response "Ma, you need to pray harder for that man to find me!"
• a guy friend asking "the question", get's this response "Bhuti, when are you hooking me up with some eligible brothers?"
• a girl friend asking "the question", get's this response "Sisi, you're dropping the ball - when are you pointing your eligible brothers my way?"

I have found that these response (or a variation of them) usually removes the attention (and blame) away from me and the conversation can then continue to other more important topics. #HowToDodgeABullet

What inspired me to rant on this blog is a meeting that I had yesterday with an older brother/ YoungDaddy who I hadn't seen in a while. As we were catching up "THE QUESTION" came up once again and I guess that got me thinking. I know that writing about this slight frustration won't stop "my people" from asking me, "When are you getting married?" or the variation, "Why aren't you married yet?" but this sure has helped me get something off my chest.

Thanks for "listening". #AsYouWere

When I Became a Man

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me." - 1 Corinthians 13:11 New International Version (NIV)