As I type this I am in the thick of a situation that is teaching me a great deal about dealing with shame, overcoming failures and not allowing them to drown and overwhelm you.
I'll spare you the details of the situation but I will share with you some important lessons that I was reminded of and learned during this time:
1. Shame thrives in being hidden/ covered up, in you cowering/ hiding, in dark spaces. Allow yourself to be seen (by those you trust, of course) and deal with the shame head-on. In this space, Brene Brown is an absolutely empowering resource.
2. What other people think of you/ say about you is none of your business. This is something I embraced years into my adulthood and it's held me in good stead. When faced with people knowing about an issue that you would rather have kept hidden, there's really no value in agonizing over what people are saying behind your back. You can never control people's conversations about you and their thoughts regarding you so just talk to yourself to not spend too much time wondering/ stressing about that.
3. Change your focus. It's easy to feel like the whole world is coming to an end but honestly, there are always bigger and more important matters going on around you - even when you are thick in a crisis. I found that changing my focus to other matters helped me not think that my personal "crisis of shame" is what every conversation is about.
4. Accept grace (unmerited favour) and love. Sure, there will always be people who will judge and condemn you but there are also people who will show you love and provide you with a safe space to be naked and unashamed. If you do not have any people like that in your life, you can always pay for the services of a professional who's interest is not in showing you how horrible you are but in helping you deal with the situation you are facing. I am a Christian, so for me, this also meant accepting God's grace. Advice that I've always given people is to always maintain honest communication with God - there's nothing you can do that can shock Him!
5. Remember to breathe and maintain an attitude of gratitude. Whatever is going wrong in your life, I guarantee you that there are things you can be grateful for. Keep reminding yourself of whatever good there is in your life.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of the lessons I've learned but what was on my mind to write. Whatever situation you may be faced with... it may be the end of the world as you knew it but it's not the end of the world. Get up, dust yourself off and keep walking (whether or not you are limping or even if crawling is all you can muster) ... let us fail forward!
Sending you love.
